I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
