Buhtt sex?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
