just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
