i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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