My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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