i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
