3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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