I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
North Korea, Best Korea!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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