I think im going to throw up on grandma
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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