my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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