Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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