don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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