Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
