you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
