and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
