just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
