Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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