I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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