I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
