we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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