weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
