Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
