Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
