I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
