can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
