You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
