i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
