I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
