she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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