you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
