There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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