she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
