Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
