I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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