I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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