the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
