Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We left the knife in your bed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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