Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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