Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
