Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
