Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
