Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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