I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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