we're blogging at a bar
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
