I'm eating all of the evidence.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
