It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
