Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
