After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize