it wasn't lemon gatorade
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
