help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
