I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
