i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so let's talk penis.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
