Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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