There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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