I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
