I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize