If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
