OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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