God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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