Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
