You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
