Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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