Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
