Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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