That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize