My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My feet surprised me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
