so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
