the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want to be your penis for a week.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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