I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize