id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
